Online dating – only for no strings attached relationships?

online-dating-guide-relationship-uploadexpress-sarah-beeny-642791So.. Not married yet? I guess that’s the question every single older than 25 years old girl gets quite often. And I believe, actually, I am absolutely sure, that’s definitely not one of those questions you want to hear. Everything is slightly different in London, but it would be very difficult to explain to grandmother in Lithuania that you simply just don’t have time for a family, to be very honest - sometimes you don’t even have time for yourself. Younger generation in Lithuania already thinks slightly differently, they are not in rush to get married just they turn twenty, but no matter how silly that would sound, getting closer to your thirtieth birthday you are also getting old maid’s, bachelor’s or just simply single’s label.

London is a city, where everyone works a lot, everyone is concentrated on their careers, to think about marriage later is quite natural and normal. Probably that’s the reason why London is called the city of lonely hearts. The strangest thing is that this lifestyle for Londoners is acceptable. People do not even want to commit to someone and get involved into a long-term relationship because they understand - then they have to choose and sacrifice something. Isn’t it way more convenient to have somebody close to you and give a call when you feel like or when you finally found some time. Yep, here in London most people prefer no strings attached relationships, but I guess to tell that for a grandmother in Lithuania isn’t the best idea.. Friendship is a job that requires a lot of time, effort and for a young person, who works a lot and tries to create a base for his future, it’s kind of a luxury thing, which he cannot afford.

I am already over thirty,  I am not married,  and I can totally reviele the truth, that looking for the right person is a very frustrating process. Once my friend told me that you must kiss many frogs before you meet your prince charming, but I never thought that there will be so many toads among them… So where are those princes hiding? I’ve got the impression that a successful and happy with his career man to think about a relationship or a permanent partner starts at the age of forty. I guess most of us have tried online dating. I used to be very sarcastic and was just laughing about than, but now I realised that this is a very normal way to meet people for somebody who works a lot and do not have time to spend every evening at the bar or other “hunting” places. But again, what people usually expect from online dating – casual and no strings attached relationship. At least that’s the reason why most of the men are into online dating. Woman, let’s be honest, at the end of the day, even if they are in to their career, when it comes to matter of love, sometimes turn into naïve girls, who still believe in a fairy-tale and happy endings. Unfortunately, we got to be realistic, we are too big to believe in all the fairy-tales and such a thing as prince charming doesn’t exist anymore. Every guy who is about to promise a world to you is only after one thing - to take you to bed ASAP..

I noticed that recently became very popular to use phone App called Tinder. So I decided to give it a go and see for myself how it works. I have uploaded the most beautiful picture and started looking for Mister Right. At the beginning I was taking everything quite seriously, but once I’ve learned the rules I’ve got involved in to the game myself. And since I am not a chatting person, I was not waiting too long for an invitation to meat – I was just suggesting to meat for a coffee myself.

The first guy I met was Canadian with Italian background and his brother is married with a Lithuanian. I won’t talk too much about what guys I’ve met been doing workwise, just will mention that all of them worked in the city, which means at the financial services or something similar and all of them were at the age range from 30 to 38th. So the Canadian.. I should say that he was very normal guy. I met with him twice and to be honest couldn’t understand – if he was trying to make up his mind about the orientation or if he just was pretty plastic naturally and simply just had his opinion about all the feminine things. Anyways, it was really nice to communicate, but chemistry definitely was not found. And I will be honest with you, I had I think like 10 dates, in most of them I was feeling like at the job interview….

Another more interesting example was “date” with an Italian who has been living in London for about ten years and I would say was not a very typical Italian - he was not that fast with compliments and probably was not that emotional. Or maybe he just knew women very well, as he said, he has a thing for Eastern European ladies and I believe he knows more than just one or two. However, he still had that Italian charisma, as well as attachment to his mother. There is nothing wrong probably if a man respects his mother, but Italians are known as Mommy’s boys. After all he was quite charming, but next day I received a message that he is not the one I am looking for, all what he can offer to me is only being friends with benefits. So I made the conclusions, if you kind of like the person, maybe it’s worth to try being friends with benefits at the beginning and see where it goes, but after he mentioned that he needs at least five friends like this, I straight away rejected the idea.

Next on the list was an Englishman. I don’t even know why, but he gave an impression of a very serious and I would say very reliable person, and apparently I was so wrong.. After a really fun conversation about everything and nothing at the same time, in the morning again I received a message that I am a stunning woman and he thinks that we got on really well, but unfortunately he hasn’t got the time to be dating and to include in his personal life someone else right now. My first thought was – Really? Again? What’s wrong with you guys..? But after a while I have got back into routine and completely forgot until one nice and sunny day we decided to go for a walk in Greenwich Park with my friend. And guess what? I really could not believe my eyes.. The same Mr Reliable had in his hands probably three – four years old boy and there was a happy and smiling wife walking next to. Beautiful and idyllic family portrait…

I am not even talking about the fact that I’ve got the ability to be at the right place on the right time, it’s just really weird feeling – how you can learn to trust somebody after everything you experienced. I was trying to give an excuse and maybe justify a bit, I really do hope that I was the only one he met. Most of the girls after a date would just simply ask - yours or mine place, and i could swear he would probably happily had clapped his hands. But I was very straight from the beginning and let him know that casual – is not what I am looking for because I am simply worth way much more…I just hope he understood that he is doing the wrong thing….

My criteria has increased even more after this incident, I was choosing very carefully even who to chat with. If the guy offered to meet at the hotel bar I didn’t even bother to keep the conversation and waste my time. By the way, I think you will get surprised, but even from Lithuanians I’ve got quite straight forward offers. There were not so many of them on Tinder and anyway couldn’t give a good feedback..

I met quite a lot of different people during this, let’s call it experiment, some of them even looked completely differently than in the picture. Once again I was proven that guys can tell a lot - at the end of the day the way to woman’s heart is through the ears. Sometimes if you want to hear, that he is looking for a serious relationship - it is exactly what he is going to say. There are many ways to reach the goal and if a man has a goal to get somebody into the bed you might expect unexpected. And there is one thing I understood - it is really hard to meet your person.

I will be honest with you, this experiment made me really sad, because I realised how things have changed over the last ten years. Before relationship used to start smoothly and everything was happening step by step. Now we are just skipping few steps, ignoring all the romance and also the ability to get to know another person, we are just strait away going to the point.. After all, every woman likes, when a man is treating her with whites gloves, invites for a romantic dinner, gallantly kisses her hand… But then again, we are probably living the life the rhythm in London is dictating.

In Lithuania we were used to live according to the society’s rules and we were trying to fit into the frame. Everyone knows that Lithuania is not the country for people with even slightly different view. After living in London I realised that all these rules only pushing into the frames. Nobody should care about what neighbours think, they do not live your life. Sticking labels is a very old fashioned thing and probably shows that person is bored. The most important is how do you feel about everything. Probably the worst is if at the age of thirty you are sticking the hopeless old maid’s label for yourself, but if you are a happy and young girl in her thirties, who enjoys her life - you might get surprised, as everything always comes at the right time. And not your grandparents, not your neighbours - only you can decide when this right time comes. Only after you will realise that being thirty and not married isn’t a punishment, you will start living the life of single and fabulous, and I’m pretty sure you will make your married friends feel jealous that they can’t enjoy their lives as you do.

 

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